Well, several things are going on. Back in October, my mom tried to commit suicide....I don't think I've mentioned it here (just looked at past posts & I did mention it!). It was her second attempt & she wasn't successful (is that the right terminology? Sounds weird.), but that event made me take a long hard look at myself & my relationship with her. I won't go into the details, but that event triggered memories from my childhood....memories my mind had buried because they were too painful to deal with. I've been dealing with parts of that, but in December I used ttc to hide behind to "take a break" from the pain of getting things right in my life. Seeing that now, we've decided to take 3 months off from ttc. I need to focus on changing wrong thought patterns & really let the Lord do whatever it is that He needs to do to help me be whole. I'm terrified, but I know I can't stand here strapped to the zip line forever.....the ride may be terrifying, but getting to the other side & conquering my fears will be totally worth it!
Also, another, rather shallow, reason is that we have a trip to Disney World planned in September with the 2 daughters we actually have & I can't be walking around Disney World 1 month from my due date! Plus, I know my lining was REALLy thick but my period has been really light....so 3 months of bcp would probably be a really good idea.
I also need to lose about 30lbs and when we're ttc, that seems to take over my thoughs & focus!! LOL! So....3 months off to get healthy in every sense of the word and then back at ttc with a refreshed outlook!
Pray for me! I'll keep you updated! God Bless!
YEAST RAISED WAFFLES
9 years ago
