Well.....

It's been a long time since I posted last....again. A lot has happened in my life since then. I did not get pg on our 2nd round of femara. After that I was pretty devestated & told Darling that I need a break....or maybe we just needed to be done for good. So we decided not to prevent for 2 years, but not to try. My heart broke because we had just found something that worked, but I was so obsessed with ttc that I was missing out on enjoying the 2 girls we DO have! Then the bottom fell out of our world. My mom tried to commit suicide the beginning of October....she was not successful, but it opened up a BUNCH of painful memories/issues from my childhood that I've been learning to deal with since then. Then at the end of October we lost Darling's great-grandmother. She died in her sleep peacefully & was 94, but we will still miss her so much. Then, a week later, the music minister at our church tried to commit suicide. My health has also not been great. SO much in such a short amount of time!! Needless to say over the last 2 months I've just felt like I've been in survival mode. Through all of this my Jesus has carried me through....quietly reminding me that He will never leave me to carry any of this on my own and so I've had peace in the middle of one of the stormiest times in my life. During this time, Darling & I have realized just how precious our little family is & just how much we want one more baby.....one more blessing. So, yesterday I had my yearly visit with my "girlie" doctor & we are getting ready to start a few more rounds of femara! This time my dr wants to pair it with estrogen & monitor my follies with an u/s on cd10, but since I've O'd 2x this past summer on femara, she sees no reason to use a trigger shot! I'm thrilled, excited & praying we see a BFP the beginning of 2010! IF, & it is a BIG if, I do get pg in the next few months, we may have to postpone our September 2010 Disney World trip. I'm pretty torn about that, but we can always go the next year with our completed family!! We'll cross that bridge when we come to it!! Right now, I'm hopeful & praying that God will give us the desire of our hearts.

P.S. Good news! My meds will only cost $45 for this cycle! WooHoo!! And hopefully the insurance will pay for the u/s!!