Wow...I haven't been here in AGES!!!!

I fully realize that I post here for me & that I don't have any one who frequents my page, but I still feel like maybe there is one lone soul who checks in on me every once in a while & I've let them down by not being here in MONTHS!! If there is anyone, I'm sorry! Life has been crazy busy. After our failed clomid cycle, I did go on one month of bcp & Darling & I had a very long talk about ttc#3. We decided that I would no longer chart my temperature (AAAAACCCCKKKK!!!), or take ANY meds. No clomid. No met. On one hand it's been great. I've loved not setting the alarm every single day & getting online to enter my info. On the other hand it's been really hard. I hadn't realised just how much faith I had placed on that purple thermometer! Refocusing that faith on the God who made me & will make my future child has been very difficult to say the least. It's so much easier to trust something tangible, albeit a thermometer!! LOL!! Ok, now that I see that in writing, it just makes me look crazy!! LOL!! Oh, well. The Lord & I are working through it...slowly but surely. Darling feels certain that if I continue working on loosing weight that my fertility will return. I'm hoping & praying he's right. I had a period on June 3rd & have had NOTHING since then. One day of good cm, but the 2 weeks passed & no BFP. So now I'm taking a pg test every week or so until August 1st & then I'll start progesterone to end this cycle. Hopefully my period will be over before my birthday (Aug 19th!).

I've spent most of this morning going through all the blogs that I check on regularly, but haven't since I haven't been keeping up with mine. Also we got WiFi last Saturday & I can actually upload pages quickly!! YAY! So many ladies have gotten pg & I'm SOOOOOOOO thrilled, but it just reminds me that it's been 15 months of nothing for us. I've been having a really good cry. Something I haven't done in a long time. I also put on a baby shower for a lady at church on Sunday....she has 2 boys & did NOT want another baby, but got pg & is having a little girl. She didn't even really seem happy about all the gifts & the shower. I'm feeling pretty sad. I'm just so ready to have our last baby & move on from infertility. Darling said that after the next baby he wants to have the big V!!! I cried about that when he told me. That just seems so final, but it will be a relief too. To know that all this pain & struggle will be behind us for good. One more baby, Lord, please.....just one more to make our family complete!!

Ok, that's enough for now!! LOL! I am losing weight! (yay!) and I'm learning to completely trust God's plan for our family. Have a very blessed day!!