AF, AF, wherefore art thou, AF??!

I'm am PRAYING that AF won't be stubborn this go around!! LOL! In the past, she has made me wait for her for 14 days after ending provera & I'm REALLY hoping that isn't the case this time! I'd really like to have her come full force tomorrow! That would make my cd10 u/s a cd12 u/s & I'd like to have it done later since this summer I didn't O until cd18 & 22! We shall see. I'd take today too, if she was so inclined to rear her ugly head!

Today has been difficult. My mom called & left me a message, she didn't sound good so I called right back, without thinking. She wasn't feeling too well, & wanted me & the girls to come be with her. I'm not sure if I've shared this here, but I've shared so much, why not share this too! I have a co-dependent relationship with my mom. I've had it all my life & I've just realized it! 33 years of feeling guilty & angry & trapped & frustrated & guilty for feeling angry, trapped & frustrated. *sigh* It is a nasty, ugly cycle & it WILL end with me. I will not live this way anymore & I will not teach this to my children & I will not put my Darling through hell anymore! Anyway, I told my mom I couldn't see her today, which is the truth.....I'm not ready to see her, I have no idea what a healthy relationship even looks like with her, I have school to do with the girls, a set to paint at church, my house to clean on, our christmas tree to put up & AWANA to get ready for tomorrow night. Nope, no time to travel 45min one way to have lunch with her & be responsible, yet again, for making her happy. I hung up the phone & the WAVES of guilt tried to drown me. Darling called me from the car on his way to work & I just bawled. How is it that my mom still has this power over me? I'm 33 years old! I have a family of my own! I have a community & a church that I'm involved with & yet, with a single phone call, my mother can reduce me to a gelatinous lump.....quivering, crying, soggy. I'm not going to live this way anymore. I'm opening my heart to the Lord & begging him to pull out this HUGE weed/tree in my heart, as painful & agonizing as it is, and make me whole. Free. Peaceful. Complete.