I'm nervous.......

Ok, I have a bit of a confession to make. I'm NERVOUS! My sleep study will be taking place on Wednesday evening and I'm sick to my stomach I'm so nervous! I've been thinking and debating about WLS for years and to actually take the first step to DO IT....sheesh....I'm nervous. I know this is the best option for me, I've prayed countless hours over it, talked about it with my hubby....but I'm still nervous.

Reason #1 being that I don't usually sleep well without my Darling and to be in a strange bed with strangers watching and monitoring me while I sleep? Let's just say I'll be getting up at the crack of dawn on Wed and working out and doing as much around my house as possible to keep myself busy and make myself TIRED. I'm hoping this will do the trick!

Reason #2 is I'm nervous as all get out that I'm going to have sleep apnea! Right now, I can say that I have no known co-morbidities, the operative word being KNOWN. I have a nagging feeling that I DO have sleep apnea....now, that won't affect anything, I don't have to get a c-pap, and it won't postpone surgery, but just knowing that I'm not as healthy as I thought I was (Ok, I know I'm in denial about my weight being a HUGE health concern!!)...it just scares me. Obviously, I'm pretty good at stuffing fear, anger, hurt, etc. deep inside with food and, after Wednesday, no amount of food will be able to cover the truth of that test. I'm beginning to deal with it....really!

Reason #3 is that I have serious issues with control....the Lord has been working to pull all those control weeds out of the garden of my heart for a L-O-N-G time. *sigh* Sadly for both of us, I don't let go of things easily, so this has been a very hard reality to recognize and let go of. I'm NOT going to be in control of the test or the results....I'm just in charge of making myself go to sleep. These strangers get to see me drool, snore, talk in my sleep, toss and turn (because I'm in pain ALL-THE-TIME, even while sleeping) and what ever else I do in my sleep that I'm not aware of! I keep praying.."Dear God, please let me be the most BORING sleep study patient this clinic has EVER seen!!!"

So, I'm spending a lot of time in prayer this week, praying for continued peace, wisdom to let go of "the small stuff" and for some excitement! I'm really, truly beginning the greatest adventure of my LIFE!!! I can say today for the first time...."I'm having weight loss surgery THIS YEAR!!!" Welcome 2011!! I know that my awesome God has an incredible year in store for me!! God Bless!