Oct. 5th...

I'll never forget Oct. 5th. It's (to date) the last time my mom tried to commit suicide and at the time, I was preparing myself to start planning her funeral. I have vivid memories of the day that still come to my mind in quick flashes....my dad hugging me, laying his head on my shoulder and sobbing uncontrollably; finding a roast in the crock pot; finding all my moms clothes in her closet but none of her meds; sitting in my car as my best friend drove me to my parents house looking out the window but seeing nothing because I couldn't stop crying and praying "Please God no....Please God no..." I'm so thankful that God spared my moms life that day. But there are so many things that the family of a "suicide survivor" goes through that no one knows about. Even though you haven't lost that loved one....there is a grieving process that still happens and I had rejected that process the first time my mom tried to commit suicide, so this second time, it would not be ignored. I endured a lot of abuse from my mom growing up and only now as an adult have I come to understand that most of it came from serious mental problems and this last suicide attempt was all I could take. My parents like to pretend that everything is "normal", as if the suicide attemptS never happened. But they did.

My dad just called me for the first time in well over a year to get Peanut's SS# for a savings bond....I didn't answer, I just listened to the msg he left. To him, tomorrow never happened or for my mom....it was just a drug induced dream for her. She still doesn't understand why that day was so horrific. I'm sure she never will. Anyway, thanks for letting me share. God is in control and I will rest in Him.