26dpo????

LOL!! Ok...I just find it REALLY funny that FF thinks I'm actually 26dpo! I'm not, btw. Nor am I pg. I'm just here. Me & my anovulatory ovaries. *sigh* No wonderful Christmas news...no New Years announcement....just little ol' me. I'm seriously considering not renewing my membership to FF, because all that mean software does is get my hopes up. So, I'll be buying some Dollar Tree tests today....just in case & because I've renewed my love of testing!! LOL!! So I've got to go get some cheapie tests, so I don't go broke!! LOL!! I haven't really decided when I'll be starting progesterone, but it will be sometime in January.

On to other news!! Our Christmas was fantastic!!

(hold this thought!! My allergies have finally gotten the better of me & I've taken Nyquil...I'm off to bed & will finish this tomorrow...if I can think through the drug-induced haze!! LOL!!)

13dpo.....what just happened????

OMG. I took my temp this morning at 6:30am....just like I do every morning & decided to look at it right away, instead of turning over & going back to sleep. It was 98.3!! That is HIGH for me! I'm so scared to believe it!! I'm cramping like crazy & expect to see AF every time I go to the bathroom & I've had 2 - pg tests today.....so AF could be playing a mean trick & I'll see her tomorrow. OR....God may have performed a miracle & given us our 3rd & last baby......I pray that it's the latter!! Here's my chart!

10dpo!!

I'm 10dpo today & I got a BFN this morning. Ok, I know there is really no point in testing this early, but I don't actually make it to the 2ww very often, so I wanted to test with the possibility of it being positive!! That is always fun! I'm not upset that it wasn't +...I would have fallen off the potty if it had been!! LOL! I'm really not expecting to get a + at all, not to save my sanity, but just becuase I'm ok with that. I'm ok with waiting until the Lord wants to bless us with a baby. I believe He will eventually & I'm finally, strangely at peace with that. So, I sit here at 10dpo, crampy & feeling like AF is coming any minute & I am at peace.

What???? My ovaries did what???

As amazing as it may seem.....my chart says I O'd on Monday!! I'm 4dpo today! I'm shocked & a little wary. I've seen this happen before, where my chart says I did, but I really didn't. So, I'm waiting for my temp to go above 98.0 before I get too excited (well, I say that, but it's not entirely true!!). I just can't believe it! I was praying & praying for it & I'm still surprised!! SOOOOOOO praying that we have wonderful news to share at Christmas!! If I did O, my due date would be 8/25/08.....so I could have a c/s on the 20th & all my kiddos would be born on the same date!! 1/20, 9/20 & 8/20!! That would be SO cool! Plus my birthday is 8/19 & a baby would be the BEST birthday present EVER!! LOL! Ok....enough gushing! We'll wait & see what happens!! Merry Christmas, Everyone!!


P.S. I received this in an email from a friend today....

Matthew 7:7-8
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it willbe opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds,and to him who knocks it will be opened!

Christmas spirit.....

I'm having a hard time, this year, finding my Christmas Spirit. You know, that giggly, butterflies-in-your-tummy, Santa's-coming feeling. I'm not exactly sure where I packed it away last year, but I can tell you it's not with the wreaths that we hung on the windows, or the lights we hung on the house.....maybe it's in with our Christmas tree that I will be putting up today! I can't believe that it's after Thanksgiving & we just put lights on the house & are still needing to decorate inside....usually I'm really on top of those things! Well, hopefully I'll find it....I'm planning on reading the Christmas story during my time with the Lord tomorrow & I'll be starting A Christmas Carol soon too.....& my little brother is in A Christmas Carol at his school tomorrow evening (cant' wait to see him act!!)....maybe I'll find it there. If you happen to be unpacking your Christmas things & find it.....would you send it to me?? ;o)

Had to share what Little Miss told me tonight....

I was putting her to bed & took some extra time to just hold her & talk to her. We were talking about her wanting Darling to have a "regular" job...one where he was home on holidays & Sundays & I told her to be sure to pray about it! And that I'd been praying for that for a long time & was sure that God would give her daddy a new job soon. She said she knew that she shouldn't stop praying & did I know what else she prayed about? I said no, what? She said, "I pray all the time for a baby brother.".......(insert me crying here!!) We haven't told either of the girls that we're ttc another baby...I just figured they wouldn't understand it! So, I told her that I would love to have a baby boy & that she should be SURE to keep asking God to send us one! Then she said she'd really like another baby sister too!! LOL!! I told her that maybe she needed to think about having a big family herself when she grew up!! LOL!! Anyway, I HAD to share that! Just warms my heart to know that our whole family wants another baby!!

At least I don't have to worry about using protection....

*sigh* I just sent my parents/siblings off to their own homes after spending Thanksgiving enjoying their company...and I did enjoy it. I was a little sad to pass a second Thanksgiving not pregnant but not too bad.

The title....ahhh, yes. Why is it that people are so thoughtless sometimes? I talked with my "best" friend from childhood a few days ago. She is learning to cope with 3 kids now. She is a fertile myrtle....She got pg with #1 after about 2 months of ttc....she was NOT ttc#2 & had to "get over it being so soon" & she decided not to use protection ONCE when she conceived #3 in January of this year. Ugh. I would never wish infertility on her....don't get me wrong! I wouldn't wish this on my very worst enemy.....but my "friend" actually had the nerve to tell me that maybe I should think about the fact that maybe my weight has something to do with my infertility......UUUUHHHHMMMMM, I wanted to say...."really??? Well, I didn't even realize I was 100 lbs overweight!! I'll start thinking about that right now!!". I mean REALLY? She really thinks I haven't thought that....every day?.....for the last 19 months of ttc???? Sheesh. Then she did it. She actually told me...."Well, at least you don't have to worry about using protection....that must be nice." I could NOT believe she actually said that to me while she was nursing her brand new baby & I was sitting alone in my bathroom with an empty, barren womb. So, I gathered my confused & scattered thoughts & told her that yes, it is nice not to use protection, but that the struggle was in wanting something SO badly & not knowing if it would ever be given. It didn't really hit me until after we had gotten off the phone. That was pretty much the end of our conversation. I just chalked it up to a lack of sleep on her part & am working on forgiving her for being so uncaring. I'm still bitter about it, but I'll get over it. She just does NOT understand infertility. I'm ready for another baby & I've been crying out everyday to the Lord to bless us with one (or twins!) very soon.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! God bless!

Oh, & I wanted to tell my sweet friend Sarah, CONGRATULATIONS!! Her sweet baby girl Clara arrived yesterday & I'm SO happy for them!! Enjoy your girls, hon!

C13, CD21....don't get excited!!

Here's my chart.....It seriously looks like I'm Oing today!! LOL! If I had regular cycles I'd think the same thing, but I was FREEZING when I woke up the morning & didn't have any covers on! So, I really think today's temp was a fluke, but just in case I'll use an OPK this afternoon! You never know! Well, that's about all that's going on in my little world! I'm just cleaning for Thanksgiving! Today is Little Miss' last day of school until after Thanksgiving! YAY! I'm ready for a break. Have a blessed day!

I don't wanna!!!!

LOL!!! I just wanted to share that I don't wanna clean my house!!! LOL!! We're having friends over for dinner & games tomorrow evening & I just don't want to clean!! I'm tired & have the beginnings of a cold & I just want to lay on my couch & watch Christmas movies all day!! Then have my Darling come home from work, snuggle on the couch & make up for lost time in the bedroom (since AF was here for 11 days)!! LOL!! Ahhhh.....but I won't, I'll wash the clothes, sterilize my kitchen, deep clean my living room, tackle both our bathrooms, cook dinner, have school with Little Miss, play a board game with Peanut & get caught up with all the clean laundry sitting on my bed & dresser!! Oh, my! .....but, just for the record, I DON'T WANT TO!!! LOL!!

2 weeks later....

Well, it's 2 weeks after my last entry & I'm FINALLY getting rid of Aunt Flo after 7 days of heavy bleeding. I hope she's cleaning house so a new baby can make it's home there for the next 9 months!! I've never had a period so horrible as this one has been. I'm actually writing this while Darling has the girls at the high school's homecoming game, becuase I'm just too tired to go this year. I went ahead & started taking an iron supplement today....all I can say is that super tampons have been my friend this week & if I don't see another one for 9+ months...I'll be FINE with that!! Hoping & praying that this cycle is semi-normal & ends with a BFP!!

I added a slideshow of our trip to Disney World! Hope y'all enjoy it! It took me a little while to get it put together today, but I haven't felt like doing anything but sitting today. Ok....I'm off to take a HOT bath & read before my brood gets home....Happy Friday & God bless!!

**Edited to say that this period lasted for 11 whole days & was VERY heavy!! I sure hope it's the last time I see "her" again for 9 months!!

Not pregnant....again....cd51 & counting.

Well, well, well.....the clomid didn't do it's job & I'm not pg & haven't even O'd yet. Strangely, I'm not too upset....I'm not sure if I'm beginning to be calloused about the whole ttc thing or if I'm just to a place in this journey that it's just ok. I like to think it's the latter!! I've started working out....again....hoping that will help coax my fertility back. I read this the other day & LOVED it -

"It helps me if I remember that God is in charge of my day - not I." ~ Charles Stanley
"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Psalm 37:23

That has given me HUGE comfort! My steps & my family are ordered by the Lord! Who am I to argue with that!?!

In current everyday life, Little Miss is doing really well in school. She's really reading well & is beginning to grasp more complicated math problems! We're also having a lot of fun with the Five in a Row curriculum!

Peanut is FINALLY starting to go to the potty!! I've started letting her wear just panties in the mornings & she's been doing really well!!! I'm SOOOOO excited!! I'm still not brave enough to let her wear panties instead of pull ups in public, but maybe by Christmas!

I start teaching our Ladies' Sunday School class tomorrow full time. I'm terrified!! I'm the youngest person in that class!!! Satan has already started whispering doubts to me....but I KNOW the Lord wants me to do this & will give me the wisdom & direction & time I need to do it! So, I'm not listening to the whispers! heehee!!

OH! Since the last time I posted, Darling got a BIG raise!!! WooHoo!! I'm so excited for him (us)! I've told him for years that he's underpaid & he finally figured that out for himself & demanded a raise & got it! It is such a blessing!

Ok, I'm working off of 6 hours of sleep & I'm getting a cold, so I'm going to go....I've got some things to do for my Sunday School class too.....have a blessed week!

FINALLY!! AF is here...on to C12!

Well, here I am on CD1......never thought I'd be so happy to see AF! 2 rounds of progesterone to make her come, but she's here! We're going to go ahead with Clomid this cycle....50mg CD3-7.....that puts us 5 days from Disney after the last pill, but maybe we'll come back with the bestest Disney souvenir EVER!! LOL! I can only hope! I posted a message on my Mommy Board & thought I'd just repost it here.....after you read the post you'll see why my time is so short these days!

Life has been SOOOOOOO crazy & busy lately!! Just thought I'd fill anyone in that cares to know!!

Homeschooling Little Miss - it's going VERY well! This is our first week & we both are LOVING this year!! Last year was so difficult (different curriculum) & I let go a little this year & opted more for fun learning than using a "curriculum"....it's working out fantastically!! Peanut has her own little books too, that makes for more work for me, but that's ok...she's going to be one smart cookie!! (potty training is a whole different story!! ugh!)

Ladies Sunday School Class - I'm teaching our class every other week now. Our main teacher has had some marital issues that she has needed to address & so the every other week schedule came out....It's ok, it just means that my personal Bible study time has become more in-depth & time consuming!! LOL! Not a bad thing, just requiring more time out of my already full schedule!!

AWANA - we have a program at our church that's kind of like boy/girl scouts except the kids memorize Bible verses to earn patches, etc. This year, I'm the secretary!! (insert biting nails!!) I'm responsible for all attendance records, all money collected, all orders placed & when the product comes in, I take all the notes at all the meetings & I make sure all the directors have everything they need. We've also implemented a new computer system this year & getting all the directors to actually use it properly is proving to be quite the challenge!! LOL!

My house - my poor house is taking the brunt of being neglected!! LOL! I'm HOPING that I can get it whipped into shape in the next week so we can come back to a clean house after Disney World...we'll see!! LOL!

Disney World - I wish I had more time to read & pack for this trip, but I'm SOOOOOO excited about 8 days of NO reality!! LOL! And I get to spend the afternoon one day with my friend, Cindy, & her family!! I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO excited!! This is going to be a fantastic trip!!

My SIL - ...............*sigh*.......................I'm SOOOO tired of dealing with her. She's a miserable person and she makes everyone around her miserable. Her best friend is the same way & we've really encouraged her to look for other friends (it's the ONLY friend she has), but she won't. This "friend" is SO awful that we won't let Amy (SIL) take our girls & spend time with this friend without us being present. They are also stirring up a lot of mess in our church. It's really embarassing to be "HER" sister/SIL...& Toby's parents & sister blame ME for all the events of this Summer (we had a talk with Amy about her behavior & gave her a 'break' from our girls for the summer, it was a joint decision & we wouldn't have done it if Toby had thought it unnecessary), and yet it's MY fault for 'tearing the family apart'. (have I mentioned that I'm READY for Disney World??!! LOL!) It really breaks my heart to see my SIL like this....she really changed after she found her grandmother (DH's, too) after she committed suicide (with a gun). There is a bitterness in my SIL now & she will NOT seek professional help to sort through all the horrible feelings she has & so the bitterness grows. On one hand I'm so FRUSTRATED with her & on the other I'm so sad for her.....I'm working on loving her & ignoring how mean she is to me. We'd appreciate any prayers for peace in our family.

TTC - and YES...on top of all that we're trying to get pg!! LOL!! (finding the time & energy for BDing is proving to be more challenging these days!!)

Friends - We also have some friends going through a divorce & 'he' is turning out to be a person that we had no idea he was......a person we never would have let our kids be around!! Just before they seperated he started showing me a LOT of attention & made me so uncomfortable that I asked Darling not to leave us alone.......ICKY! Anyway, this guy has been keeping money from his wife since she left & told her that their girls could just start school with NO school supplies....so Darling & I bought their school supplies. What a creap. He also cheated on his wife 2 years ago...they reconciled & she thought things were better, but he's been cheating on her since then.....with the same person!! There is SO much more than that, but I won't share. It's more than anyone would ever want to know about someone else!

I'm ready to go on vacation & get pg!! LOL!! Pray for me!! God bless!

Wow...I haven't been here in AGES!!!!

I fully realize that I post here for me & that I don't have any one who frequents my page, but I still feel like maybe there is one lone soul who checks in on me every once in a while & I've let them down by not being here in MONTHS!! If there is anyone, I'm sorry! Life has been crazy busy. After our failed clomid cycle, I did go on one month of bcp & Darling & I had a very long talk about ttc#3. We decided that I would no longer chart my temperature (AAAAACCCCKKKK!!!), or take ANY meds. No clomid. No met. On one hand it's been great. I've loved not setting the alarm every single day & getting online to enter my info. On the other hand it's been really hard. I hadn't realised just how much faith I had placed on that purple thermometer! Refocusing that faith on the God who made me & will make my future child has been very difficult to say the least. It's so much easier to trust something tangible, albeit a thermometer!! LOL!! Ok, now that I see that in writing, it just makes me look crazy!! LOL!! Oh, well. The Lord & I are working through it...slowly but surely. Darling feels certain that if I continue working on loosing weight that my fertility will return. I'm hoping & praying he's right. I had a period on June 3rd & have had NOTHING since then. One day of good cm, but the 2 weeks passed & no BFP. So now I'm taking a pg test every week or so until August 1st & then I'll start progesterone to end this cycle. Hopefully my period will be over before my birthday (Aug 19th!).

I've spent most of this morning going through all the blogs that I check on regularly, but haven't since I haven't been keeping up with mine. Also we got WiFi last Saturday & I can actually upload pages quickly!! YAY! So many ladies have gotten pg & I'm SOOOOOOOO thrilled, but it just reminds me that it's been 15 months of nothing for us. I've been having a really good cry. Something I haven't done in a long time. I also put on a baby shower for a lady at church on Sunday....she has 2 boys & did NOT want another baby, but got pg & is having a little girl. She didn't even really seem happy about all the gifts & the shower. I'm feeling pretty sad. I'm just so ready to have our last baby & move on from infertility. Darling said that after the next baby he wants to have the big V!!! I cried about that when he told me. That just seems so final, but it will be a relief too. To know that all this pain & struggle will be behind us for good. One more baby, Lord, please.....just one more to make our family complete!!

Ok, that's enough for now!! LOL! I am losing weight! (yay!) and I'm learning to completely trust God's plan for our family. Have a very blessed day!!

We're officially on hold....

AF arrived yesterday with a vengence. I only had a 8 day LP....which is REALLY short for me....mine are usually around 14-15 days. So, I'm starting bcp & will be on hold for at least one cycle, maybe 2. I'll be using this time to lose weight (I've already started WW & have lost 7 lbs!) I'll also be working on bringing the romance back into our marriage....boy, we've been way too focused on getting pg! I'm looking forward to just enjoying s.e.x again! I'm sad that this cycle ended like it did, but I'm strangely at peace with it. I know that the Lord has a plan for our family & I'm content in waiting for it to happen. Well, I've got to go get ready to pick up my Angel Food order & we're off to the rodeo tonight!! YAY! SO fun! And we don't have much longer until we off to Disney World too!

I have to admit that ttc#3 has helped me appreciate my 2 beautiful girls even more....I really am blessed to have them!! God bless!

C10, CD22, 3dpo.....11 days to go.

Oh, dear. As I sit here at 10pm on a Saturday night when I should be working on a Sunday School lesson for tomorrow.....I keep crying. It doesn't help that I've been reading all kinds of IF blogs....of women who have been blessed with a baby....finally. I understand their pain of being infertile & relief at finally being pg, but then wonder if I have the right to claim that. I'm so blessed....so incredibly blessed to have my 2 girls....I've hugged them close today.....touched their hair, kissed their cheeks, tucked them into bed. But I want one more baby.....just one more.....do I have the right to ask for that? Do I have the right to be so fearful that this clomid cycle won't work, when I've been SO blessed? Regardless of the answer to that question, I am asking for it...praying constantly for it. Please, Lord, bless this cycle. Let it end with a beautiful BFP. I'm practically begging in my prayers these days. I'm sitting in tears writing this, because I want to be pg again SO badly. My Darling doesn't really get it....I don't think. He's a wonderful man, but he is a man....they just deal with things SO differently from us, don't they? I showed him the + opk's and the BDing that followed was......passionate & beautiful. I LOVE that man! Because of that I think he is excited about us trying to have one more baby & that maybe that BDing actually had a shot at succeeding!! But he doesn't talk about it. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking this path alone....and then I'll ask him if he's excited about being in the 2ww (finally!) & he'll say..."yeah", but then he'll kiss me a little longer & pull me closer than usual & I think..."My Darling IS excited!" I just wish those moments came more often!

Back to the "Oh, dear" that started this rambling! I'm already anxious! I just want to know...did I really O? and....am I pg? This is our 10th cycle & our 13th month of ttc miracle #3.....it's been hard to say the least. My best friend in the whole world is already pg with her 3rd....she did this to me with our 2nd's too. I don't see her (she lives in another state), but even talking with her right now is painful. Too much morning sickness talk & "I'm already showing!".....I'm so happy for her! I'm so glad that she gets pg SO easily! But it doesn't make it any easier for me to deal with my infertility. And her advice to "just let God bless you in His time" feels like a slap in the face. There are times to be still & wait on the Lord & then there are times that He wants us to move & take action!! I was still for 9 cycles & 12 months....now is the time for action!

I also have a situation with my SIL that is very heavy on my heart....I won't bore you with all the details, just a few! She has a friend who is....well, let's just say I only know ONE person who likes said friend & that's my SIL. NO ONE else likes her....not even her own husband. And my SIL insists on doing things with this woman when she has Little Miss with her. NOT COOL. Darling is supposed to have a talk with her "soon". And then I'm sure we'll (Darling & I) have to have a heart to heart with said friend....my advice to Darling is that we do it with our pastor as a mediator. There is NO way I'm sitting down to talk with "the friend" without having an impartial party present. NO WAY. The sad thing is...she's a member of our church. I've never had a problem like this with anyone before. She is a gossip, troublemaker, never speaks nicely about her DH & is downright rude & mean to her only daughter. I do NOT want Little Miss being influenced by someone like that....EVER. So, that's what has led us to this impass. Please pray for wisdom for Darling & myself....we must do whatever we need to to protect Little Miss, but I'd like to keep from burning bridges in the process, if at all possible.

So, I have the normal strain of the 2ww, plus lovely extended family issues. Lord, help me.

C10, CD21, 2dpo!!! YAY!!!!

I'm still waiting for one more high temp in the morning to get my coverline, but I'm sure I O'd!! WoW!! On cd19 no less! I'm thrilled! I'm so grateful & thankful that the Lord allowed my body to work like it's supposed to! I'm still in shock & I'm still praying daily that there is a little stocking stuffer in there growing away!! It is SO wonderful to just be in the 2ww with all the hope & anticipation it brings! For ttc for 13 months & 10 cycles this is the FIRST one that I'm sure I O'd & that I think we might actually have a chance of being pg! Here's a pic of my chart......

Well, that's about all I have for now.....Little Miss & I are so ready to be finished with school this year! Only a few weeks left! YAY! Pray for me, that I'll see a BFP in a few weeks!! God bless!

c10, cd7....5th day of clomid!!

I MADE IT!! I survived the last five days taking clomid & I didn't "kill" anyone!! LOL!! I've been feeling really weepy, irratable, easily upset over silly things & really tired. Heehee....just getting me ready for being pg again, huh?!! I am SO glad this is my last day of clomid & I've been praying & praying that the Lord will bless this cycle & allow my ovaries to ovulate & allow me to get pg. I'm so ready to be pg again.....so very ready! My Sunday School class (women's class) gathered around me last week & prayed over me.......I felt so peaceful, almost like I knew this cycle would end with me being pg....one of the ladies told me I'd have a boy. I sure hope she's right!! LOL!! Either a boy or girl would be fine, but I'd especially enjoy having a boy! ;o) I'm praying for all my sister's struggling with infertility!! God, please bless us all!!

C9....still on hold!

I'm just taking it easy this month. Still taking progesterone to end this cycle.....my last day for it is on Thursday....it can't come soon enough!! LOL! My body doesn't usually have much progesterone at ALL & so these last few days have been pretty yucky. I'm not myself at all...cranky, irritable, cramping (already!). My face is breaking out too...yuck. But it will all be worth it to see those two beautiful lines!! I'm hoping AF will be here around April 1st...fitting, huh?!! LOL!
My sunburn is finally healing.. I'm peeling, but not in pain! YAY!
I've also started on a better eating plan (I'm not dieting anymore! ;o). It's called Rate Your Plate! 1/4 of my plate is to have a starchy food, 1/4 a protein & 1/2 a non-starchy veggie....along with 1/2 cup of milk & a bread or fruit! I think I can manage that! Weight Watchers is too time consuming & the Insulin Resistant diet left me feeling VERY hungry....so hopefully this will help me shed these unwanted pounds!! I SO want to look thinner for Disney World in September!! (vain but true!)
Anway! That's where I am! I'm off to bed now! God bless!

On to being on hold in C9

Well, I've been taking about a month off from all things computer!! (besides paying bills anyway! ;o) I never did O in C8....I had to use progesterone to make the hag come over!! yuck. But good news is that my Clomid finally arrived (I had to call & make them send it again!) & I'll be using it in C10! I plan on starting progesterone this Thursday (3/22-CD16), so AF can go ahead & get here! I'm SO ready to be pg! We'll see what happens. We went camping last week & I have a severe sunburn. Some places (face & arms) have 2nd degree burns. OUCH!!!! Well, I'm off to find a snack & take some medicine!! Have a very blessed day!

I had to add this today.....

I found this on an infertility blog.....

Why we do it in the first place:
The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for. - Allan K. Chalmers

That Maternal Instinct kicks in:
If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather, teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea. - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

TTC, the first year or two:
Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don't give up. - Anne Lamott

It's just not happening...
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow them. - Louisa May Alcott

Diagnosis: Infertility
Justice divine has weighted: the doom is clear. All hope renounce, ye lost, who enter here. - Dante Alighieri

Our Fertile Friends:
None who have always been free, can understand the terrible, fascinating power of the hope of freedom, to those who are not free. - Pearl S. Buck

Adventures in ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology):
When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time." - Unknown

The 2 Week Wait:
Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops at all. - Emily Dickenson

The Positive Beta (or hpt):
Most of the important things in this world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. - Dale Carnegie

Or the Negative:
We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

And whether your journey ends with the joy of holding you precious new baby, or final acceptance and peace that it may never happen:

The Journeys End:
Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again. - Sarah Ban Breathnach


That just describes to a T why I keep on ttc baby#3....I am so blessed with 2 little girls, but my infertility just proves to be a challenge to me....my mind tells me "Dr's say you shouldn't get pg? We'll show them!!". And hope is what hangs at the end of the fishing line in front of me..........

c8, cd43 maybe 12dpo....

My chart is crazy (as usual!) but I think I may have O'd about 12 days ago.....maybe. I took a pg test this morning & it was -, but it wasn't my fmu....so I'll test again tomorrow, if AF doesn't show up! I've been SO crampy & my boobs are hurting.....I'm just ready to move on...pg or not! My best friend since kindergarten called last week to tell me she's pg with baby#3. I'm happy for her, but a little frustrated. They didn't use protection ONCE & she's pg. Good GRIEF!!! We've been ttc#3 for a year now!!! I'm not complaining, it's just a little frustrating. Anyway! If AF (or bfp) comes in the next few days, we'll know the metformin is working!! Happy Valentine's Day!!

P.S. I haven't talked to my mom in a couple of weeks. I just can't handle her right now. Since it's been so long since we've talked she'll try to make me feel guilty about it & I just can't deal with that. So, I'm praying for her daily.

C8, CD31...still waiting!!

Well, life is better. My mom is getting help...not from me (we've always struggled with co-dependency & the Lord is breaking that from my life), but from professionals. I'm learning to trust that the Lord will hold my mom in his hands & care for her so much better than I could ever dream of.
I'm taking metformin now (1700mg/day) & am feeling pretty good. Nothing has changed in the ovulation department, but my acne hasn't been too bad. I figure that's a pretty good sign that the met is helping my hormones be somewhat normal. If I don't get pg this cycle (& I'm really not holding my breath!) I'll be on 100mg of clomid next cycle. I'm really hoping the clomid & the met together will be just the perfect blend! Hopefully I won't feel CrAzY on the clomid!! Last time I went ahead & bought my clomid in anticipation of actually getting to use it, I got pg the cycle before!! I'd really be ok with that happening again!! LOL! I really am ok with not getting pg until our trip to Disney World in September....what a nice souvenir! But then again, another tax deduction next year would be great!! I'm looking forward to what the Lord has in store for our family this year!!
Little Miss is doing really well in school......she's adding & subtracting, reading & writing!! I'm so excited to be her 'teacher' & so proud of both of us for actually succeeding against all the opposition we've had in DH's family & from certain non-friends at church!!! SO THERE!! LOL!! She's also just turned 6! I just have no idea where the time has gone!! She's becoming such a grownup! Waaaaahhhh!!! ;o)
Peanut is learning a lot these days too! She is recognizing colors & shapes & she tries to 'write' letters like her 'Sissy'! She also pretends a lot! It's so cute!!
Darling is doing pretty well. I think he's becoming rather antsy in his current job. The next move up available to him would pull him away from us even more & possibly move us about 4 hours away from where we are now....not too far, but we really want to stay here with family. We'll see what happens....I'm just ready for him to get a raise!! $$$$$ He also shared with me last night that he feels like I ignore his opinions about things. *sigh* I've really been trying hard on so many things for him lately that I feel like one more 'issue' is a little ungrateful on his end. I'll try my best.....actually now that I'm thinking about it....I think this really goes back to what he wants to do with our income tax return....most of it goes to pay for our Disney trip, but the bit that's left over needs to go to a certain few things & he wants to "waste" money on have the carpet professionally cleaned.....I told him NO in no uncertain terms!! We have a steam cleaner, I really don't see a real reason for paying someone else to come do what we do ourselves all the time!! He doesn't pay the bills or do ANYTHING with our money & I'd really appreciate him trusting me on this issue. I'll have to talk with him about it.
On a happier note! I'm really excited about our trip to Disney World.....one more month & Disney will release park hours & I'll really be able to plan!! WooHoo!! Our friends Jon & Jen are coming with us & Jen & I have been working on our individual park touring plans....we don't know what days we'll be in what parks, but at least we aren't twiddling our thumbs!! (Have you figured out that I LOVE planning for Disney World?!!)
Have a great day!! I'd better run! God bless!

C8, cd7.....life is hard in 2007....

Well, AF found me on the 3rd day of this new year. I didn't even really care. Because the day before, I found out that my mom was needing to check into a mental health facility. A few days later I found out she had tried to commit suicide by taking a HUGE amount of pills. Her dr said she should have died. I'm still in shock & it's been a week since her suicide attempt. I'm scared of losing her. I'm reliving the horror of Darling's grandmother's suicide all over again. I'm learning to lay my mom at the Lord's feet & trust that it is the only place she is safe. I'm finding myself crying a lot. I started metformin on cd2 & after this past week, I'm praying it helps my cycles normalize, but hoping I don't get pg this cycle. I'm not in the best emotional shape right now......& just don't know if I can handle any more added stress....good stress included. Pray for me as I strive to be obedient to the Lord & try to help my mom, while keeping my sanity.
This is not a good beginning for 2007. Praying that God blesses us all this year.